Communication...

Over the past few days, there have been some interesting communication issues that I've noticed.  They've likely been present all along, but there must be something in the air that is making me see them.

First (and I realized this about a year ago!), I noticed that my Dad and I share similar traits.  This has frightened me into really making some efforts to chill the chattiness - my own, that is, not Dad's!  There is no hope for him, I've afraid.  I always thought Mom was the gossipy one.  I now see it was always Dad.  Mom did talk, but really not about other people...Dad gossips and spreads bad information.  He talks in a form of bar talk, in other words.  

If you've ever worked in a bar, or gone to a bar, or whatever, you know what I mean.  You listen to people, and you know they are not telling the whole truth (nothing but the truth???).  Maybe you even agree with that person, so as not to cause a ruckus.  If you disagree, you have to be concerned about the consequences.  You gauge how much the person has had to drink, how likely the person is to get a little rough.  Maybe the person will laugh - in that case, by all means, disagree!

With Dad, it's not about the a-a-a-alcohol.  It's about his feelings (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jC3JFVKJtyM).  Has he had his feelings hurt lately?  Can he take a little correction?  Is it necessary to make the correction?  Will anyone DIE if the mistakes are left to be believed?  Most of the time, I roll my eyes (as do others now...) and just let him go on.  If there is a chance, thought, that the baloney may eventually hit me, then I usually go for it.

Sometimes, it's a twist on a story I've heard seven hundred and ninety-two times already.  Then I may throw in a question or two..."But I thought you told us..." or "That's not the way we heard it".  I do have to be prepared for anything then.  Because he may go into why he didn't tell it that way before.  Then anyone in listening range is in trouble.  Cause that means another story tacked onto the one already being told.

When I was working with a (mainly) great group of folks a few years ago, we came up with the Pensky moment.  This means you save people from other people or tasks.  If someone was having a hard time extricating him or herself from a situation, we would call that person, or stop by the desk and ask for the "Pensky file", or mention there was a meeting we were late for about the "Pensky group".  I have found, with Dad, I have to Pensky some friends on occasion, and divert Dad from them so they can get on with life. Pensky just sounds kinder than saving a person from Kenny.

In our own house, we resort to texting each other.  We can silently communicate about the 'rents without their knowledge, even when they are physically present.  Today, we planned on eating some delicious leftovers around 6:30.  Dad, of course, probably senses this (promptly at 6:20, he goes into the kitchen to fix their dinners), so we had to alter our time frame, and were able to do so via texting.  We CANNOT fix our dinners all at the same time.  It is a recipe for disaster, and hurt feelings (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jC3JFVKJtyM) , as we attempt to avoid each other's nuking and heating, and frying while fixing our own food by nuking, heating or frying.

Mom, still pretty savvy with regard to how people are feeling around her, often picks up on subtle looks or glances, especially with regard to Dad.  She communicates with a typical phrase, "I don't know what he said" or "I don't know what is going on" or "What is he saying?"  This usually shows her annoyance with whatever Dad is talking about.  She waits for him to pontificate to others, at the diner, the store, in the yard, in the living room...then comes up with one of her typical phrases.  She makes everyone laugh.

Of course, these days, that is the best way we all communicate.