Grace
It's been a family filled weekend, with two visits to Mom, family dinner, checking on the niece and nephew and their mom. This situation with Mom in Wallingford, Dad rehabbing and not able to drive isn't easy on any of us. I felt the need to check in with my sister, you know?
I took Dad on Friday to see Mom for her birthday. Dad hadn't seen her since August 11th - the day before he had his hip replaced. I felt really terrible for him - I think he thought somehow she was going to recognize him. But I'm jumping the gun here.
Mom loves strawberry flavored food - selzer, jam, jelly, candy, cookies, ice cream...so we went up the road in Wallingford to get her a Sonic strawberry shake - they are really old school - made with real ice cream and topped with whipped cream and a cherry. Knowing she wasn't going to know it was her day, I figured this was a good treat. Cupcakes and cake are tough foods for her as she gobbles them - the shake requires her to use her throat and muscles and choking chances are low.
Dad, of course, yelled at me when I passed the exit for Masonicare. I explained (again) that Sonic was a quick off and back on, right up the road. "Why didn't you go to that other one?" Remember the last entry? Yup. I ignored him.
He didn't whip out his wallet when we got the shake, but that was ok - she is my Mom after all. I popped back on the Parkway and dropped him off at the door of the hospital. "I think I'll get a wheelchair", he said, "so you can push me after you park." This is from the guy who is begging us to walk with him as he continues his rehab!! I said, "No, you need to walk 4 times a day and this is just the way to do it - in the air conditioning. I'll park and catch up to you. That means when we leave, you will have done 2 walks! Wow!" I'm not being mean, please understand. I'm being practical. He is really doing well with walking.
We get upstairs to Mom's locked unit and she is in what they call the Den. It is a nice little room with a few chairs in it. An aide is with her (as is typical) but she looks pretty drawn and a bit out of it. Not a good day, until she sees the cup with the shake.
She reaches for it before she even really sees her husband. That totally sets Dad off and he starts, "I'm here!!! How are you, honey!" but in the mean time, several aides have come to check on Dad and make sure he is all right after his surgery (he IS the Italian Leprechaun, after all). Mom starts sucking that shake down for all she's worth, plainly loving it. Her aide noted that smoothies were always available, and now she knew Mom liked them so much, she would pass the word (score for Mom!).
All in all, it was a decent visit, even though Mom didn't recognize either of us, and Dad was more worried about Mom pulling his walker away from him than about the lack of recognition (score for Mom!). I danced with her just a bit, but she hasn't smiled for a while and that day was no different.
Dad left, a bit concerned, but quickly forgot about it and started to talk about how he might be able to "get her in the back door" of Masonicare! Scammer going to the slammer.
I went up again to see Mom the next day, this time with her grandson. He hasn't seen her awake since July. I warned him she was a bit peaked, and he's seen the videos we've been taking. It's nothing like, however, seeing her in person.
He did the best he could to just love her. I was choking back tears the whole time and actually got up to get her dominoes. It just helps me a bit if I have something I can do with her. Just bashing the dominoes on the table and on the metal box works for the different sounds. Mom will then pick one up and bash it around and sometimes smile.
While there was no real smiling going on except by her grandson and me, Mom interacted with us, and got sleepy very fast. We walked her to her room and helped her into bed, hoping she would stay there so she could get some very much needed sleep.
I know that Masonicare is a good place because she is not being doped up to sleep. However, this means that she sleeps only when she is exhausted. It is hard.
Her grandson and I had a somewhat difficult discussion on the way home, reaching into what his Grammie may have wanted for herself, should she be aware of how her aging was progressing, and her seemingly lacking quality of life. I showed him, again, a picture of her from less than a month ago. She was smiling, and even laughed. She sang (yes, we have the video to prove it). This could happen again, in fleeting moments. Maybe we will be there for the smiles and laughing and singing. Maybe we won't. Her aides love her, and have no complaints about sitting with her, unlike where she was before this, and where she may have to return to.
For now, we take each moment with her as grace, and try to fill the moments with love, even as the tears flow.
I took Dad on Friday to see Mom for her birthday. Dad hadn't seen her since August 11th - the day before he had his hip replaced. I felt really terrible for him - I think he thought somehow she was going to recognize him. But I'm jumping the gun here.
Mom loves strawberry flavored food - selzer, jam, jelly, candy, cookies, ice cream...so we went up the road in Wallingford to get her a Sonic strawberry shake - they are really old school - made with real ice cream and topped with whipped cream and a cherry. Knowing she wasn't going to know it was her day, I figured this was a good treat. Cupcakes and cake are tough foods for her as she gobbles them - the shake requires her to use her throat and muscles and choking chances are low.
Dad, of course, yelled at me when I passed the exit for Masonicare. I explained (again) that Sonic was a quick off and back on, right up the road. "Why didn't you go to that other one?" Remember the last entry? Yup. I ignored him.
He didn't whip out his wallet when we got the shake, but that was ok - she is my Mom after all. I popped back on the Parkway and dropped him off at the door of the hospital. "I think I'll get a wheelchair", he said, "so you can push me after you park." This is from the guy who is begging us to walk with him as he continues his rehab!! I said, "No, you need to walk 4 times a day and this is just the way to do it - in the air conditioning. I'll park and catch up to you. That means when we leave, you will have done 2 walks! Wow!" I'm not being mean, please understand. I'm being practical. He is really doing well with walking.
We get upstairs to Mom's locked unit and she is in what they call the Den. It is a nice little room with a few chairs in it. An aide is with her (as is typical) but she looks pretty drawn and a bit out of it. Not a good day, until she sees the cup with the shake.
She reaches for it before she even really sees her husband. That totally sets Dad off and he starts, "I'm here!!! How are you, honey!" but in the mean time, several aides have come to check on Dad and make sure he is all right after his surgery (he IS the Italian Leprechaun, after all). Mom starts sucking that shake down for all she's worth, plainly loving it. Her aide noted that smoothies were always available, and now she knew Mom liked them so much, she would pass the word (score for Mom!).
All in all, it was a decent visit, even though Mom didn't recognize either of us, and Dad was more worried about Mom pulling his walker away from him than about the lack of recognition (score for Mom!). I danced with her just a bit, but she hasn't smiled for a while and that day was no different.
Dad left, a bit concerned, but quickly forgot about it and started to talk about how he might be able to "get her in the back door" of Masonicare! Scammer going to the slammer.
I went up again to see Mom the next day, this time with her grandson. He hasn't seen her awake since July. I warned him she was a bit peaked, and he's seen the videos we've been taking. It's nothing like, however, seeing her in person.
He did the best he could to just love her. I was choking back tears the whole time and actually got up to get her dominoes. It just helps me a bit if I have something I can do with her. Just bashing the dominoes on the table and on the metal box works for the different sounds. Mom will then pick one up and bash it around and sometimes smile.
While there was no real smiling going on except by her grandson and me, Mom interacted with us, and got sleepy very fast. We walked her to her room and helped her into bed, hoping she would stay there so she could get some very much needed sleep.
I know that Masonicare is a good place because she is not being doped up to sleep. However, this means that she sleeps only when she is exhausted. It is hard.
Her grandson and I had a somewhat difficult discussion on the way home, reaching into what his Grammie may have wanted for herself, should she be aware of how her aging was progressing, and her seemingly lacking quality of life. I showed him, again, a picture of her from less than a month ago. She was smiling, and even laughed. She sang (yes, we have the video to prove it). This could happen again, in fleeting moments. Maybe we will be there for the smiles and laughing and singing. Maybe we won't. Her aides love her, and have no complaints about sitting with her, unlike where she was before this, and where she may have to return to.
For now, we take each moment with her as grace, and try to fill the moments with love, even as the tears flow.
Amen !
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