Having the "talk" with your elder...

Before Dad and I went south, I felt the need to have the "talk" with him, for several reasons.  First, I know he never had to use any type of "equipment" with my Mom.  Second, he is a catch for some of those women in Florida (I know, but he really is).  Third, I am NOT dealing with the aftermath of him getting some creepy crawly STD.

So, I practiced the "talk" in my head for a few days.  If I say this, what will he say in return?  Will he respect my need to have the "talk" with him?  Can I get it all out without an "eeeeuuuwww" coming through in my voice?  How offended will he get (notice I knew he would be offended - but could handle a certain level of it)?

Finally ready for it, I broached the subject.

"Dad, you know you are going to be staying in some other people's homes when you are in Fort Myers.  Some of these women are not with a partner.  You might decide that you want to have some fun."  Now, I am YELLING this to him because he doesn't have those very expensive hearing aids in (go back to about 13 months ago to review the hearing aid saga).

"WHAT?" he says.

"Dad, you need to use condoms if you are going to be having relations with anyone in Florida.  There are a lot of STDs in retirement communities and I don't want you to come back home with one."

"WHAT?  Why would I do that??? I'm not interested in that.  Your mother..."

I didn't let him finish.  "Well, Dad, you are a catch, you know.  You might be sleeping [this is where I had to choke down the "eeeeuuuwww" pretty hard] and someone might come in and you might think you are dreaming.  I just want you to be prepared.  If you need me to buy a package for you before we go to Florida, I will."

"You can't talk to me about this", he says.

"Dad, remember when I was married about 6 months and you told me to tell Amy [younger sister who got my room] to stop banging on the floor of her bedroom when you and Mommy were going at it?"

He huffed and puffed a bit.  "Well, yes, but..."

"But nothing.  You broke the line right there.  The door opened up and now it's my turn to let you know what's what."

"Don't buy me condoms.  They are very expensive."

"Really?  How do you know, first of all?  Second, if you need them, ask Jeremiah to get them if you don't want me to.  Just remember, be prepared!"  Then we talked about what else he needed to bring on the trip.

Comments

  1. MarkMarch 11, 2015 at 9:21 AM

    Never ask - just hand them to him - Would also like to point out - this is very thoughtful of you, yes I know, self preservation and all that but still and all, not handing this off to someone else is brave. It also makes certain that he received the full and correct message. ++good, would buy from again

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