Driving Mr. Ken
As promised, here is an account of our recent road trip. Dad and I went first to Southern Pines, North Carolina, then to Gettysburg for those of you not keeping track.
For about 3 months, Dad has mentioned that he was thinking of going to see his sister-in-law, Mom's sister Dee. He and I drove down there 2 years ago to see her and her husband where they live in a little town not far from Fort Bragg, NC. It is in the midst of golf country (Pinehurst ring a bell?). Aunt Dee and family lived in Southern Pines for a long time...back when I was 19, I drove down there by myself, and hung out with my cousins and had a great time. This episode does stand out though:
My Uncle Paul (passed away 16 or 17 years ago) took me with him to spread pine straw on the yard of a house on the golf course at Pinehurst. Not having a clue what that meant, I hopped in the southern version of a Cadillac (pick up truck) in my halter top and short shorts (hey - I was 19 and svelte). We picked up a few bales of this pine straw (think hay but finer and red) at some nursery, then went to the house. Quite a nice home, by the way. He passes me a pitch fork and says, "Now getchyou some of that bale there after I open it and spread it around" (my poor attempt to replicate his drawl). He got a knife then threw the bale on the ground in front of me, opened up the bale. It exploded all over and I began to toss it around with a pitch fork. No, I never ever used one before, but he said I did "awwwright". We finished up, got back in the Cadi, and went back to the house. We went into the kitchen and he said, "Now getchyou in the shower quick and check yourself for ticks. They like to hide in the straw." Yeah...I remember that part for sure.
Back to driving with Dad. I finally figured out when I could drive down there with him, and said I would take him to Gettysburg on the way back north as he always wanted to check out the battlefields there. We had a tight window of time. We left on a Sunday, not really sure yet if Aunt Dee and her husband got our message that we were coming.
You see, Dee has Alzheimers Disease. Yes, just like Mom did. Dee's disease, fortunately, is moving very slowly - even slower than Mom's. The medications are better now, and Dee is probably a bit healthier than Mom was when the disease began to show up. Dad wasn't really sure he wanted to see her after I made the arrangements, and got nervous. "What if she doesn't know who I am?" was the main question. Legit, of course. I reached out to the cousins and felt pretty good about going based on their knowledge of their Mom. Thanks again, Ladies!
Dad never met, by the way, a person whose home he didn't want to stay in rather than a hotel. That was the first hurdle. No way were we going to burden Dee and her husband with our presence in their home. So I told him a hotel visit was the key, and I would get us a room with free breakfast (a requirement for Dad, of course - gotta get that free breakfast). That got booked, along with a hotel with free breakfast in Gettysburg. By the way, Expedia is the cheapest way to go...even though Dad tried to get more discounts at each place.
Packed my bags and waited for Dad to pick me up, made him move to the passenger seat as we were driving right through NY and south via the Jersey Turnpike and I-95. It was a Sunday morning, so why not? We got to the GW within an hour of leaving CT, and had to make our first pee stop in the middle of the Jersey Turnpike.
Here's where it got a little wonky. We go to the bathrooms, then meet by the BK window...he looks for his wallet...nope, not in his pocket. I pay for our food, we sit down and make a plan..."You'll have to pay for everything". OK, I told him, and texted my sister to find his wallet at home and take pictures of his important info in case of emergency...all set. First emergency dealt with. He is quite upset, I am not, cause that's how the driving Mr. Ken person has to be, you know?
We get back to the car, and lo and behold, his wallet is on the seat of the car. Cancel the emergency...we're good to go. But that seems to set off the man's bladder, because every 2 hours after that we have to make a pee stop. First time EVER I had to stop twice on the Jersey Turnpike.
In the car, he kept checking the paper map, even in Jersey! Now, those of you who have done the southern journey know that I-95 is a straight shot to your destination. We had at least 8 more hours before we had to veer inland. But that damn map kept coming out...and then he kept saying "bypass". "What about the Washington bypass? When is that coming? What about Baltimore?" Say "bypass" one more time, old man!! Then I said, "You know you don't need that map right now. I have my phone set up with the GPS running". "I don't trust that", he says...By the way, the map was over 10 years old...Bypass doesn't really exist anymore through D.C. unless you are going west or east.
Side note: I don't do McDonalds...haven't been there in over 4 years.
We get to VA, after a few more pee stops in Delaware and Maryland, and it is lunch time. The only place visible is McDonalds...and I have to explain to him again why I don't go to McDonalds (bet with my son because of their food, of course)...then I find a cool Italian deli and we get a great lunch, with nice bathrooms. Winning!
Lots of stories get told while I'm driving...he did this trip with Mom so very many times, he has a story about every stretch of road. I learn a few things I didn't know before. Most of the stories I've heard over the years. I let him go on and on, till he begins to pull out that freakin' map again. By this time, I've found where the radio controls on the steering column are, and begin to change the radio station. I cycle through a few times, and play with the volume. Dad's hearing is pretty bad, so he doesn't notice. It makes me happy not to listen to him, and all I hear is "blah blah di dah dah".
Again, throughout VA, we stop every 2 hours to pee...keep this in mind. We get to NC, and have to switch to I-85, which turns out to be under construction, but there is just no way around that so we add about 45 minutes drive time there. At this point, I'm glad we had a good lunch, and that I brought my peanut M&M's...he has bananas and water. Eventually we have to leave 85 and pick up Route 1 for Southern Pines, which I recognize but he doesn't. The argument begins (one-sided) that I am going the wrong way. The radio gets louder.
We do get to our destination that day, although it is dark. It ends up being a 12 hour ride. Dad says, "Wow, it took us a long time to get here"...peeing every 2 hours I think.
Staying in the same hotel room with your Dad (first time since I was 14 and we did the family trip south) is a trip. He forgot his PJ's so I had to see his droopy FOL's...no tighty whiteys going on there. He doesn't always remember his key card, so I have to be sure I always have mine. He also likes to talk to anyone outside the room so there's a lot of that as well. The hotel has a really good breakfast set up - with a person there and everything, so Dad is VERY happy. We meet a woman who grew up in Bridgeport, and chat with her for a while.
We have a great visit with my aunt and her husband, taking my aunt with Dad and I for a window-shopping trip to downtown SP. I do notice some changes in her, but she is easily calmed and we have no issues, especially after a delicious vanilla shake in the little ice cream spot. Dad is thrilled that we visited, and can't stop saying that. So far, so good.
We leave the next day for Gettysburg. Again with the damn paper map versus the GPS on my phone. Yes, his car has GPS, but it was just easier to set up my phone. He wants to go this crazy route, so I play along, not really concerned as long was we get there before 7 that night. Again with the "beltway" crap because we had to go to the west of DC to get to PA. No wrong turns, GPS won the battle. After some lousy traffic outside of DC, we make it to the place where VA, Maryland and PA meet, and get to our secondary road route which is just beautiful. Dad has never been this way. It is wonderful for me to see him looking at the hills to the west. Then...
"That's 81 over there. We could've gone the mountains you know, just cut over in VA. That would have been better you know." Up goes the volume on the radio again. We get to the hotel and it is only 5:30...a good early dinner since we missed lunch and back to the room to settle in.
During this trip, I continue to work - teaching my online class. So when I set up my computer and Dad sits in the comfy chair in the room, I am reminded of when he and Mom lived with us..."Working" is what I used to have to say...and sure enough, that again pops up as he chats with me while I am teaching...then he remembers and apologizes. I finish up, cause I am Tired. We talk about what's happening in the morning. He needs the agenda daily, not being very serendipitous.
Well, the breakfast here was just pretty bad. He made sure I knew it, too. We did not go out to a different place, but white toast, and bad machine made pancakes didn't go over too well with him. I enjoyed my Frosted Flakes and grabbed an apple!
We headed to Gettysburg National Park, got our tickets that included the Museum and the Bus Battlefield Tour ($42 - saving $8...Dad asked for additional "veteran discounts"). Dad was beaming, and chatty with everyone. He knew much about the battles and the 3 days, and asked lots of questions. We did the movie and Cyclorama first, then had a snack and off to the Bus. He continued to chat with all the people who gave him half an opening. My sister would have died.
The trip through G-Burg was amazing and sad and illuminating. The first stop is at a Peace Memorial. The last stop is Little Round Top and Devil's Den. I cannot explain to you how moving this place is. As I posted on FB, it should be required by all who wish to run for political office, serve in Washington, be diplomats. There is certainly a feeling you get by being there. If you don't get that feeling, then I am sorry. The guides are amazingly knowledgeable, and there is a reverence about the place.
We enjoyed a good lunch at a local bar after the bus trip and viewing the exhibits at the Museum. Then we found an antique place...of course, the focal point for these places is the Civil War and other wars. Dad found a stash of baseball cards (as usual) and spent an hour going through them. Yes, he bought a few. I took a picture of him and sent it to my sister...you can imagine her comment...after she had spent a few hours cleaning up his apartment while he was gone.
We left for home the next day, and had a great ride through the PA countryside, then northern NJ and over the TappanZee. By the time we got to CT, the traffic was bumper to bumper (by 2 pm) and we crawled home to Stratford.
Dad, true to his word, paid for just about everything. He was thankful and so was I.
For about 3 months, Dad has mentioned that he was thinking of going to see his sister-in-law, Mom's sister Dee. He and I drove down there 2 years ago to see her and her husband where they live in a little town not far from Fort Bragg, NC. It is in the midst of golf country (Pinehurst ring a bell?). Aunt Dee and family lived in Southern Pines for a long time...back when I was 19, I drove down there by myself, and hung out with my cousins and had a great time. This episode does stand out though:
My Uncle Paul (passed away 16 or 17 years ago) took me with him to spread pine straw on the yard of a house on the golf course at Pinehurst. Not having a clue what that meant, I hopped in the southern version of a Cadillac (pick up truck) in my halter top and short shorts (hey - I was 19 and svelte). We picked up a few bales of this pine straw (think hay but finer and red) at some nursery, then went to the house. Quite a nice home, by the way. He passes me a pitch fork and says, "Now getchyou some of that bale there after I open it and spread it around" (my poor attempt to replicate his drawl). He got a knife then threw the bale on the ground in front of me, opened up the bale. It exploded all over and I began to toss it around with a pitch fork. No, I never ever used one before, but he said I did "awwwright". We finished up, got back in the Cadi, and went back to the house. We went into the kitchen and he said, "Now getchyou in the shower quick and check yourself for ticks. They like to hide in the straw." Yeah...I remember that part for sure.
Back to driving with Dad. I finally figured out when I could drive down there with him, and said I would take him to Gettysburg on the way back north as he always wanted to check out the battlefields there. We had a tight window of time. We left on a Sunday, not really sure yet if Aunt Dee and her husband got our message that we were coming.
You see, Dee has Alzheimers Disease. Yes, just like Mom did. Dee's disease, fortunately, is moving very slowly - even slower than Mom's. The medications are better now, and Dee is probably a bit healthier than Mom was when the disease began to show up. Dad wasn't really sure he wanted to see her after I made the arrangements, and got nervous. "What if she doesn't know who I am?" was the main question. Legit, of course. I reached out to the cousins and felt pretty good about going based on their knowledge of their Mom. Thanks again, Ladies!
Dad never met, by the way, a person whose home he didn't want to stay in rather than a hotel. That was the first hurdle. No way were we going to burden Dee and her husband with our presence in their home. So I told him a hotel visit was the key, and I would get us a room with free breakfast (a requirement for Dad, of course - gotta get that free breakfast). That got booked, along with a hotel with free breakfast in Gettysburg. By the way, Expedia is the cheapest way to go...even though Dad tried to get more discounts at each place.
Packed my bags and waited for Dad to pick me up, made him move to the passenger seat as we were driving right through NY and south via the Jersey Turnpike and I-95. It was a Sunday morning, so why not? We got to the GW within an hour of leaving CT, and had to make our first pee stop in the middle of the Jersey Turnpike.
Here's where it got a little wonky. We go to the bathrooms, then meet by the BK window...he looks for his wallet...nope, not in his pocket. I pay for our food, we sit down and make a plan..."You'll have to pay for everything". OK, I told him, and texted my sister to find his wallet at home and take pictures of his important info in case of emergency...all set. First emergency dealt with. He is quite upset, I am not, cause that's how the driving Mr. Ken person has to be, you know?
We get back to the car, and lo and behold, his wallet is on the seat of the car. Cancel the emergency...we're good to go. But that seems to set off the man's bladder, because every 2 hours after that we have to make a pee stop. First time EVER I had to stop twice on the Jersey Turnpike.
In the car, he kept checking the paper map, even in Jersey! Now, those of you who have done the southern journey know that I-95 is a straight shot to your destination. We had at least 8 more hours before we had to veer inland. But that damn map kept coming out...and then he kept saying "bypass". "What about the Washington bypass? When is that coming? What about Baltimore?" Say "bypass" one more time, old man!! Then I said, "You know you don't need that map right now. I have my phone set up with the GPS running". "I don't trust that", he says...By the way, the map was over 10 years old...Bypass doesn't really exist anymore through D.C. unless you are going west or east.
Side note: I don't do McDonalds...haven't been there in over 4 years.
We get to VA, after a few more pee stops in Delaware and Maryland, and it is lunch time. The only place visible is McDonalds...and I have to explain to him again why I don't go to McDonalds (bet with my son because of their food, of course)...then I find a cool Italian deli and we get a great lunch, with nice bathrooms. Winning!
Lots of stories get told while I'm driving...he did this trip with Mom so very many times, he has a story about every stretch of road. I learn a few things I didn't know before. Most of the stories I've heard over the years. I let him go on and on, till he begins to pull out that freakin' map again. By this time, I've found where the radio controls on the steering column are, and begin to change the radio station. I cycle through a few times, and play with the volume. Dad's hearing is pretty bad, so he doesn't notice. It makes me happy not to listen to him, and all I hear is "blah blah di dah dah".
Again, throughout VA, we stop every 2 hours to pee...keep this in mind. We get to NC, and have to switch to I-85, which turns out to be under construction, but there is just no way around that so we add about 45 minutes drive time there. At this point, I'm glad we had a good lunch, and that I brought my peanut M&M's...he has bananas and water. Eventually we have to leave 85 and pick up Route 1 for Southern Pines, which I recognize but he doesn't. The argument begins (one-sided) that I am going the wrong way. The radio gets louder.
We do get to our destination that day, although it is dark. It ends up being a 12 hour ride. Dad says, "Wow, it took us a long time to get here"...peeing every 2 hours I think.
Staying in the same hotel room with your Dad (first time since I was 14 and we did the family trip south) is a trip. He forgot his PJ's so I had to see his droopy FOL's...no tighty whiteys going on there. He doesn't always remember his key card, so I have to be sure I always have mine. He also likes to talk to anyone outside the room so there's a lot of that as well. The hotel has a really good breakfast set up - with a person there and everything, so Dad is VERY happy. We meet a woman who grew up in Bridgeport, and chat with her for a while.
We have a great visit with my aunt and her husband, taking my aunt with Dad and I for a window-shopping trip to downtown SP. I do notice some changes in her, but she is easily calmed and we have no issues, especially after a delicious vanilla shake in the little ice cream spot. Dad is thrilled that we visited, and can't stop saying that. So far, so good.
We leave the next day for Gettysburg. Again with the damn paper map versus the GPS on my phone. Yes, his car has GPS, but it was just easier to set up my phone. He wants to go this crazy route, so I play along, not really concerned as long was we get there before 7 that night. Again with the "beltway" crap because we had to go to the west of DC to get to PA. No wrong turns, GPS won the battle. After some lousy traffic outside of DC, we make it to the place where VA, Maryland and PA meet, and get to our secondary road route which is just beautiful. Dad has never been this way. It is wonderful for me to see him looking at the hills to the west. Then...
"That's 81 over there. We could've gone the mountains you know, just cut over in VA. That would have been better you know." Up goes the volume on the radio again. We get to the hotel and it is only 5:30...a good early dinner since we missed lunch and back to the room to settle in.
During this trip, I continue to work - teaching my online class. So when I set up my computer and Dad sits in the comfy chair in the room, I am reminded of when he and Mom lived with us..."Working" is what I used to have to say...and sure enough, that again pops up as he chats with me while I am teaching...then he remembers and apologizes. I finish up, cause I am Tired. We talk about what's happening in the morning. He needs the agenda daily, not being very serendipitous.
Well, the breakfast here was just pretty bad. He made sure I knew it, too. We did not go out to a different place, but white toast, and bad machine made pancakes didn't go over too well with him. I enjoyed my Frosted Flakes and grabbed an apple!
We headed to Gettysburg National Park, got our tickets that included the Museum and the Bus Battlefield Tour ($42 - saving $8...Dad asked for additional "veteran discounts"). Dad was beaming, and chatty with everyone. He knew much about the battles and the 3 days, and asked lots of questions. We did the movie and Cyclorama first, then had a snack and off to the Bus. He continued to chat with all the people who gave him half an opening. My sister would have died.
The trip through G-Burg was amazing and sad and illuminating. The first stop is at a Peace Memorial. The last stop is Little Round Top and Devil's Den. I cannot explain to you how moving this place is. As I posted on FB, it should be required by all who wish to run for political office, serve in Washington, be diplomats. There is certainly a feeling you get by being there. If you don't get that feeling, then I am sorry. The guides are amazingly knowledgeable, and there is a reverence about the place.
We enjoyed a good lunch at a local bar after the bus trip and viewing the exhibits at the Museum. Then we found an antique place...of course, the focal point for these places is the Civil War and other wars. Dad found a stash of baseball cards (as usual) and spent an hour going through them. Yes, he bought a few. I took a picture of him and sent it to my sister...you can imagine her comment...after she had spent a few hours cleaning up his apartment while he was gone.
We left for home the next day, and had a great ride through the PA countryside, then northern NJ and over the TappanZee. By the time we got to CT, the traffic was bumper to bumper (by 2 pm) and we crawled home to Stratford.
Dad, true to his word, paid for just about everything. He was thankful and so was I.
YOU, are very lucky to have such a patient dad. Thanks for sharing the memory.
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