Birthday Thoughts
Saw Dad tonight down at the seawall with his "old man crew". It was just a quick stop. He was there for the same reason I was there - it was freakin' hot! The seawall in Lordship is certainly one of the breeziest places in Stratford when the temperature is still up there at 6 p.m.
I'm sure another reason he was there is because today would have been Mom's 81st birthday. I prefer to remember her on 2 days especially - her birthday and Mother's Day. My neighborfriend and I were talking about Mom last night as we tried to catch a breeze outside. She is working with someone who was a kid growing up in Lordship with us, and told my neighborfriend how much her Mom liked my Mom and who she was. Her Mom was a bit younger than my Mom. It made me happy to hear that.
The loss of Mom still lingers, of course. It's just part of who I am now - I guess that's how it works after a few years. I'm glad, so glad, that our kids really got to know their Grammie so well, living with her, visiting her in her comfort zone of her Florida home, swimming in their pool wearing floaties, being teased unmercifully by her at the beach.
This summer in my sister's pool, I shared with her grandson, who was too young to see her as the funnest grammie ever, some of her pool tricks. Like getting her husband to get up on his raft in the water, then pushing him off as soon as he got comfortable. It was much like watching Lucy snatch the football away from Charlie Brown. It was continue till she figured he had enough, then left him alone. I often wonder what triggered the end of the dunking.
Mom never gave me marriage advice or career advice directly. How many of our mothers did, actually? It wasn't done, that I can remember. We were shown by example. People didn't TALK about getting along - they just did it or didn't. You learned by listening and watching as much as you were allowed. Mom had a good marriage - of course there was crap - probably more than I ever knew or wanted to know. I know their Florida years were likely some of their best years together. She was most comfortable there, and loved being among her golfing buddies until they began to shun her. And she knew they did that.
Mom worked part time many years in different jobs. Her "career" was as an admin, if you asked her. She loved working at the University of Bridgeport in that capacity, meeting all of the international students and talking with them about their countries and families. We loved having people who spoke languages other than English come for holidays and just dinner or to watch TV with a family. 2 Venezualian opera singers sang at our wedding! I knew what a Bahai believed before most people even knew what that meant.
I would have liked to see her get old, with her brain intact, and go golfing with her, having her teach me more about my grip and swing. I would have liked her to see her grandchild in New Orleans, and see the Mississippi and go to the Audobon Zoo. I would have liked her to see her grandson's pictures of Africa and India and Chile and Peru and perhaps go on a jaunt with him for a day. I would have liked her to see her granddaughter protesting the mistreatment of children and workers.
Instead, I will keep thinking of her, remembering her to her grandchildren, taking memories of others to add to my own. I will also keep taking care of my own health, paying attention to all of those markers that those of us with this in our history pay attention to. I will breath a sigh of relief every 6 months when my doctor says, "You're good". I don't want my kids to have to think like I do about their mom. And I will continue to believe that soon (please) we will find this disease in our past, rather than in our future.
I'm sure another reason he was there is because today would have been Mom's 81st birthday. I prefer to remember her on 2 days especially - her birthday and Mother's Day. My neighborfriend and I were talking about Mom last night as we tried to catch a breeze outside. She is working with someone who was a kid growing up in Lordship with us, and told my neighborfriend how much her Mom liked my Mom and who she was. Her Mom was a bit younger than my Mom. It made me happy to hear that.
The loss of Mom still lingers, of course. It's just part of who I am now - I guess that's how it works after a few years. I'm glad, so glad, that our kids really got to know their Grammie so well, living with her, visiting her in her comfort zone of her Florida home, swimming in their pool wearing floaties, being teased unmercifully by her at the beach.
This summer in my sister's pool, I shared with her grandson, who was too young to see her as the funnest grammie ever, some of her pool tricks. Like getting her husband to get up on his raft in the water, then pushing him off as soon as he got comfortable. It was much like watching Lucy snatch the football away from Charlie Brown. It was continue till she figured he had enough, then left him alone. I often wonder what triggered the end of the dunking.
Mom never gave me marriage advice or career advice directly. How many of our mothers did, actually? It wasn't done, that I can remember. We were shown by example. People didn't TALK about getting along - they just did it or didn't. You learned by listening and watching as much as you were allowed. Mom had a good marriage - of course there was crap - probably more than I ever knew or wanted to know. I know their Florida years were likely some of their best years together. She was most comfortable there, and loved being among her golfing buddies until they began to shun her. And she knew they did that.
Mom worked part time many years in different jobs. Her "career" was as an admin, if you asked her. She loved working at the University of Bridgeport in that capacity, meeting all of the international students and talking with them about their countries and families. We loved having people who spoke languages other than English come for holidays and just dinner or to watch TV with a family. 2 Venezualian opera singers sang at our wedding! I knew what a Bahai believed before most people even knew what that meant.
I would have liked to see her get old, with her brain intact, and go golfing with her, having her teach me more about my grip and swing. I would have liked her to see her grandchild in New Orleans, and see the Mississippi and go to the Audobon Zoo. I would have liked her to see her grandson's pictures of Africa and India and Chile and Peru and perhaps go on a jaunt with him for a day. I would have liked her to see her granddaughter protesting the mistreatment of children and workers.
Instead, I will keep thinking of her, remembering her to her grandchildren, taking memories of others to add to my own. I will also keep taking care of my own health, paying attention to all of those markers that those of us with this in our history pay attention to. I will breath a sigh of relief every 6 months when my doctor says, "You're good". I don't want my kids to have to think like I do about their mom. And I will continue to believe that soon (please) we will find this disease in our past, rather than in our future.
I love these posts. Thank you for sharing your mom, and your family, with us. xoxo - Chantel
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