The Stars
Having some trouble with the most recent family member passing on. Carla left us in December, and it still isn't real to me. Even after cleaning out her apartment (and I wasn't the one who did most of it...), and going through pictures, it is still a bit unreal to me.
So tonight, when I took out the garbage can (only 1 this week!), I looked up at the sky and saw all the stars. We think about stars in so many different ways. There are the stars of big and little screen, of music, theater, local stars. Then there are the stars in the sky - the ones that form constellations, that gleam with light. Of course I know that these balls of light are plasma held together with gravity (hey - I did teach Big History, which included all this science stuff). But don't they seem so other worldly and heavenly?
I can understand how those ancient people named these pieces of the sky, linking them as shapes that anthropomorphize them - put them into people. We sit outside at night, in the darkest of nights, to see these shapes and lights, especially when we go out to where there is little light to interfere with this magnificent view. We even lay in our bed, craning our necks to the window to see them from our safe and warm beds. On an evening car ride, we marvel at how close they seem.
How many of you have laid back, swaddled in a bed blanket, staring at the sky, in summer or winter? Crisp fall nights, or those late spring clear "summer is coming" evenings? We remain fascinated that these balls of plasma shine for us. They are personal talismans. I have my favorite, that I always look to find.
Years ago, I bought a "sympathy" card for someone, acknowledging a family death. I remember that card said something like, "Those who pass before us become as stars in the night sky". Today, as I looked up, on my sister's birthday, I thought that is how I will think of those I am missing, and cannot hear talk back to me when I speak with them. I'll pick a star or set of stars for those whose human forms are no longer among us.
It won't be easy to choose which stars will go with which person. It will give me a task to do, rather than think "would have, could have, should have". Do you do that too? Perhaps that is why Carla's passage isn't real to me, and why I still get a case of melancholy for my Mom. I talked to Nancy the day her body was no longer present...I still wish there were other things I said.
Their souls, for me though, will be there, in the stars.
So tonight, when I took out the garbage can (only 1 this week!), I looked up at the sky and saw all the stars. We think about stars in so many different ways. There are the stars of big and little screen, of music, theater, local stars. Then there are the stars in the sky - the ones that form constellations, that gleam with light. Of course I know that these balls of light are plasma held together with gravity (hey - I did teach Big History, which included all this science stuff). But don't they seem so other worldly and heavenly?
I can understand how those ancient people named these pieces of the sky, linking them as shapes that anthropomorphize them - put them into people. We sit outside at night, in the darkest of nights, to see these shapes and lights, especially when we go out to where there is little light to interfere with this magnificent view. We even lay in our bed, craning our necks to the window to see them from our safe and warm beds. On an evening car ride, we marvel at how close they seem.
How many of you have laid back, swaddled in a bed blanket, staring at the sky, in summer or winter? Crisp fall nights, or those late spring clear "summer is coming" evenings? We remain fascinated that these balls of plasma shine for us. They are personal talismans. I have my favorite, that I always look to find.
Years ago, I bought a "sympathy" card for someone, acknowledging a family death. I remember that card said something like, "Those who pass before us become as stars in the night sky". Today, as I looked up, on my sister's birthday, I thought that is how I will think of those I am missing, and cannot hear talk back to me when I speak with them. I'll pick a star or set of stars for those whose human forms are no longer among us.
It won't be easy to choose which stars will go with which person. It will give me a task to do, rather than think "would have, could have, should have". Do you do that too? Perhaps that is why Carla's passage isn't real to me, and why I still get a case of melancholy for my Mom. I talked to Nancy the day her body was no longer present...I still wish there were other things I said.
Their souls, for me though, will be there, in the stars.
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