Ma
I am having a rough time with this Mother's Day this year. First time without her physical presence, you know? Some of you have passed this way already, and I've read your posts and seen the memes you have shared. With dread, I waited till today to really acknowledge my angst. I've bitched about my dislike of the day to my friends and to people who truly understand...our Moms are not here forever...While Mom was physically around last year, her mind had truly gone to an unknown land by Mother's Day. Risperadol and other medications began doing their horrendous job. We brought her flowers, which she couldn't keep in her room. Arghhhh. Not going there with this. Going to go to a different place with this today.
Mother's Day was the day Dad felt he HAD to take us out to dinner. So when we were little, we had to get dresses on (usually pulled out the Easter garb, you know?). We'd all get ready, and wait for Dad to get ready. It was the opposite in our house - the women were always ready first, then Dad would be late - probably because he had to wait for the bathroom, now that I think about it.
In those days, most of the people I knew only had 1 bathroom. Sometimes I would have to brush my teeth in the kitchen, and so did people I knew! I was used to using the sink while another person sat on the pot, or took a shower. All this privacy stuff came about way later. When our kids were growing up, we only had 1 bathroom so I didn't have to adapt at all! It's only in the past 10 years that I have lived in a house with 2 (well, when we lived in Cornwall, for about a minute, we had 2 but that was so quick - doesn't count).
We would pile into the car. My sister Nancy would already have managed to get dirty, on the way from the house to the car, Amy would be yanking at her dress, calling it stupid. I actually liked to wear dresses once in a while but rarely on Mother's Day. By then I wanted to wear my shorts or my peddle pushers all weekend long. We argued over who would sit by the windows - well, I didn't. I was the oldest. I always pulled rank.
Off we'd go to somewhere "fancy". Dad worked at Pop's down by the seawall, so he usually had a good place in mind (he would talk to the folks who delivered liquor or food to Pop's to get an idea of who was cheap and good). I remember the old standby of the Blue Goose. Spada's, as it was in the sixties and seventies, was the fallback spot - could be relied upon for a good meal, with good service. We loved the relish trays - celery and olives!
But there were other places, too. Fagan's (where Riverview is now) was another place we went to once every few years. Not our favorite because the tables were really close together, and my sister Nancy was an itch - she could NOT sit still at all, and often bumped into the other diners' chairs, or knocked stuff off their tables, or off of our table.
Dick's Magic Kitchen was also an every few years place, when we were really little. They had high chairs for the little ones, and we really liked the crapola in the windows - all that glassware would shine. Occasionally we went out of town - to Westport for Italian food, for example, or to Guilford for seafood. Mom got a corsage, typically, from whatever place we went to, and that damn thing would sit on the window sill in an old juice glass till it was long withered. An orchid, usually.
When we had kids, we began having the 'rents to our house for sandwiches or barbecue so I waited on them. It wasn't really fun for me, even though I was a mother too. My Mother-in-Law loved it, and so did my Mom and Dad because then they didn't have to go out anywhere. We tried going out on Mom's Day but it was crowded, we waited forever for our reserved table, and the food sucked. Our waitress was mad cause she wanted to be home with her kids. Then my parents went to Florida and didn't come back till Memorial Day. Solved the problem for them, but we still had the M-i-L - we went out the week before or the week after - worked!
We took my Mom out when they came back from Florida - usually for lunch. It was fun - she always loved going out for food (see previous blog entry about Mom's cooking disability).
Now, all I want is to do what I want...I've planted annuals, spread mulch, dug up part of the yard, slept in, gotten hot dogs from the Merritt, had pizza delivered, at at Dairy Queen Brazier, picked up Chinese, watched sad movies all day, drove around, even gone to the beach!
If it's Mother's Day, we should do what we want. I think Mother's Month would be good...specials in good restaurants throughout the whole month so good service and good food can be had by all, special prices on all perennials and annuals, and fresh cut flowers, chocolate special prices too!
Best memory of my Mom? Don't have a best - have so many pictures in my head of her, being a Mom, being a Friend, being a Mentor, and my first Teacher. She gave me an appreciation of the world, a sense of wonder and astonishment at amazing sights, a good nature that is usually apparent (hey - we all have our moments), humor and laughter, and the ability to cry when moved by sadness or happiness. Even in her darkest moments last year, she fought to be respected and cared for with dignity, and gave all who came in contact with her at the end the knowledge that love stays even when all else is gone. She gave me that as well.
Mother's Day was the day Dad felt he HAD to take us out to dinner. So when we were little, we had to get dresses on (usually pulled out the Easter garb, you know?). We'd all get ready, and wait for Dad to get ready. It was the opposite in our house - the women were always ready first, then Dad would be late - probably because he had to wait for the bathroom, now that I think about it.
In those days, most of the people I knew only had 1 bathroom. Sometimes I would have to brush my teeth in the kitchen, and so did people I knew! I was used to using the sink while another person sat on the pot, or took a shower. All this privacy stuff came about way later. When our kids were growing up, we only had 1 bathroom so I didn't have to adapt at all! It's only in the past 10 years that I have lived in a house with 2 (well, when we lived in Cornwall, for about a minute, we had 2 but that was so quick - doesn't count).
We would pile into the car. My sister Nancy would already have managed to get dirty, on the way from the house to the car, Amy would be yanking at her dress, calling it stupid. I actually liked to wear dresses once in a while but rarely on Mother's Day. By then I wanted to wear my shorts or my peddle pushers all weekend long. We argued over who would sit by the windows - well, I didn't. I was the oldest. I always pulled rank.
Off we'd go to somewhere "fancy". Dad worked at Pop's down by the seawall, so he usually had a good place in mind (he would talk to the folks who delivered liquor or food to Pop's to get an idea of who was cheap and good). I remember the old standby of the Blue Goose. Spada's, as it was in the sixties and seventies, was the fallback spot - could be relied upon for a good meal, with good service. We loved the relish trays - celery and olives!
But there were other places, too. Fagan's (where Riverview is now) was another place we went to once every few years. Not our favorite because the tables were really close together, and my sister Nancy was an itch - she could NOT sit still at all, and often bumped into the other diners' chairs, or knocked stuff off their tables, or off of our table.
Dick's Magic Kitchen was also an every few years place, when we were really little. They had high chairs for the little ones, and we really liked the crapola in the windows - all that glassware would shine. Occasionally we went out of town - to Westport for Italian food, for example, or to Guilford for seafood. Mom got a corsage, typically, from whatever place we went to, and that damn thing would sit on the window sill in an old juice glass till it was long withered. An orchid, usually.
When we had kids, we began having the 'rents to our house for sandwiches or barbecue so I waited on them. It wasn't really fun for me, even though I was a mother too. My Mother-in-Law loved it, and so did my Mom and Dad because then they didn't have to go out anywhere. We tried going out on Mom's Day but it was crowded, we waited forever for our reserved table, and the food sucked. Our waitress was mad cause she wanted to be home with her kids. Then my parents went to Florida and didn't come back till Memorial Day. Solved the problem for them, but we still had the M-i-L - we went out the week before or the week after - worked!
We took my Mom out when they came back from Florida - usually for lunch. It was fun - she always loved going out for food (see previous blog entry about Mom's cooking disability).
Now, all I want is to do what I want...I've planted annuals, spread mulch, dug up part of the yard, slept in, gotten hot dogs from the Merritt, had pizza delivered, at at Dairy Queen Brazier, picked up Chinese, watched sad movies all day, drove around, even gone to the beach!
If it's Mother's Day, we should do what we want. I think Mother's Month would be good...specials in good restaurants throughout the whole month so good service and good food can be had by all, special prices on all perennials and annuals, and fresh cut flowers, chocolate special prices too!
Best memory of my Mom? Don't have a best - have so many pictures in my head of her, being a Mom, being a Friend, being a Mentor, and my first Teacher. She gave me an appreciation of the world, a sense of wonder and astonishment at amazing sights, a good nature that is usually apparent (hey - we all have our moments), humor and laughter, and the ability to cry when moved by sadness or happiness. Even in her darkest moments last year, she fought to be respected and cared for with dignity, and gave all who came in contact with her at the end the knowledge that love stays even when all else is gone. She gave me that as well.
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