Chez Rozarie

So much to talk about, as we leave this year behind...my parents will be with us for the foreseeable future, which is a big change.  We always depended upon the freedom of the New Year, as they left for sunshine and warmth.  Because of the significant changes with Mom, and Dad's real inability to deal with them, they won't be going south.  Dad thinks they may be able to "just go for a week or two" sometime in the spring.  I think, though, he doesn't really anticipate he can handle Mom.  So we'll see how that goes. Christmas was a good day for most of the day.  Mom was pretty lost by the end of the day.  She really tried to keep it going, but with all the little ones, and big ones, she was done by about 7.  One of her gifts - probably her favorite gift - was a Groucho Marx set of glasses, with the 'stache and all.  There was even a wind up thingy that made the 'stache and eyebrows move!  Miah sure knows how to get her going - he also go...

Some of us know the joy of going along on one of the many doctor appointments the old folks seem to have.  They have a "regular doctor", a skin doctor, a back doctor, a bone doctor, an eye doctor, an eye surgeon.  Some have a lung doctor, a kidney doctor, or a cancer doctor...oh yeah, and the male parts doctor...I don't hear about the female parts doctor in my house.   Seems like that has been forgotten these days (probably in more ways than one...). Mom has an "old people doctor" - a gerontologist.  She used to go to Yale's Geriatric Clinic when first diagnosed, however the folks there weren't really personable enough for my Dad, and never returned his calls.  They also put in writing that Mom could no longer drive.  Dad has a phobia of bridges, so when going back and forth between CT and FL, he had Mom drive for stretches that included bridges.  When my sister and I found out about that, well, we asked the Nurse Practitioner about it and she put th...

There's a children's book, called "Shopping with Mom".  I forget who the author is, but I know my kids loved it, and so did my niece and nephew. Some of you may have seen some great pictures of Mom yesterday.  She was totally on.  With this "Heimers" thing (thanks, Beth, for the term!), you never know what the new day will bring. Dad "asked" me Sunday night if I would hang with Mom on Monday because he had a doctor appointment in the morning.  Sure, I figured we'd go to Joe's for breakfast, then head to Milford to get my Christmas ornament making supplies.  Monday morning, it's already after 8:30 and Dad isn't up for his appointment yet...lo and behold, he canceled it, but never told me.  He figures he can live with his shoulder "issue".  Then he suggested we all go to breakfast together (like I didn't see that coming!). "No problem", I told him, "but you drive your own car since you have to be b...

I've had the opportunity to do some serious observation work the past weeks.  Those of you who know me know I really love people watching.  People watching usually, however, involves people I don't know.  In this case, the subjects have been, yes, you guessed it - the Old Folks! This is probably going to sound random, but I promise I will tie it up nicely in the end. Dad is now driving, so I don't have to play chauffeur anymore.  Now I just have to worry about the other people on the road while he's out there.  Jeremiah took him on the road last week, to "test him" and be sure he was good to go.  He gave Dad the green light.  That means that Dad can now go to the grocery store.  Dad, remember, is a Depression-era baby.  If there aren't 6 cans of potatoes (yes, that's what he likes for homefries), there aren't any so he MUST buy more.  Same goes for cinnamon raisin bread, bagels, bananas. He MUST have several back ups. Knowing Dad c...

Interesting week it has been.  Dad is much more mobile, and Mom is no longer as delusional as she was.  Dad's use of the walker has declined.  He's even folded it up!  I discovered him bending over, quite nicely, picking something up off of the kitchen floor.  When he saw me watching, though, he groaned just a little!  And here, I thought my acting ability came from my Mom! Mom had a UTI - if you remember, she was seeing children playing and bugs crawling.  The litmus test was when she saw her reflection in the window this week, and knew it was herself!  Woohoo!  She also became a bit more steady on her feet, and knew where she lived.  I'll take "Stratford" over "I don't know" anytime! Thursday was doctor day.  Dad to the podiatrist, Mom to the primary care physician.  We set off to the podiatrist on the first really cold morning of the season.  That meant gloves and winter coat for Mom.  I got them ready for her ...

Sitting here, watching college football on Saturday night.  Of course, Mom and Dad are sitting here as well.  Dirk's team, Alabama is on, losing to Texas A and M.  Mom has the uncanny ability to always root against the team someone in the room wants to win.  In this case, she seems to be rooting for Texas.  Remember, Dirk's team is Bama.  We're here in the last quarter, Bama just got picked in the end zone, Mom is laughing...nope, she doesn't get it at all. Mom is also recuperating from a Urinary Tract Infection.  When you are old, a UTI can cause hallucinations and delusions, in addition to a serious lack of balance, and a temperature. Incontinence is also part of the deal. Your appetite also really stinks.  Mom had all of these symptoms, even though we were able to figure it out early enough to get her on antibiotics before the delusions and temp set in. We had a snow storm here in the midst of her visions.  She kept going over to the w...

The saga continues...Dad still has a procession of people coming in almost every day.  I never know, however, when they are scheduled for, or what day.  Most of them are alright with our Santana.  Big shepherds can be scary, but he is a wuss dog, especially with women.  I think it's the OT who isn't good with him, so I have to put him in the office with the gate when she is coming.   It would be good to know when she is coming.  That way I don't have to be angry that I waited for an hour for her to get here (because Dad said 11:30, when she actually told him 12:30).  Her last day here is Monday.  She'll be making sure he can take a shower by himself so she can sign off on the Home Health Aide's role in the procession.  I will NOT be around, so my puppy will have to hang out in the office. I will miss the HHA.  She's been great, even when my Dad told her he didn't eat "collyards". "I don't eat 'collyards'.  They're too sp...

Fun doesn't begin to describe how things are these days.  I don't have a full time job anymore.  I worked for a small college, an hour or so away from home until October 19th.  The new schedule I was told was required was from 8:30 a.m. until 10:15 p.m. Mondays through Thursdays, starting October 22nd.  There were a lot of reasons to leave, and very few to stay.  Parental care, obviously needed!  My gig at HCC, obviously important, especially with a contract!  Other reasons, like the fact that I love my husband and want to get to talk to him during the week (face time, people!), I don't see well at night, it takes an hour or so to drive to and from work, these also factored into the decision. I really miss the students, and some of my co-workers.  However, I have three quarters of a tank of gas today, after filling up on Monday. So this was my first week of so-called "free time".  Once I figured the 45 minutes in the morning, and 45 minut...

So Dad has come home from his surgical adventures.  He's been here since Tuesday evening.  He alternates between, "I feel good today, slept good" and "Oh my leg, oh my butt, I hurt".  At times, these comments happen one after another. First night was a trip.  To another world...the world of old people in your house that can't do things for themselves.  I do mean "can't".  It just wasn't physically possible for Dad to do much that first night.  Mom, as we know, has her own issues, but does follow directions when given 1 at a time. Dad uses the walker around the house, the cane to go up the stairs.  Jeremiah was here to fix him hotdogs when he got home so he had dinner.  Mom was out having pizza with her brother-in-law and sister-in-law, as  it was a Tuesday night.  This was good.  Dad got lots of attention until Mom came home with my aunt and uncle.  They stayed a while and visited.  Dad told them how good he felt,...

I realized that I primarily write about my Dad.  Not sure why, but I thought Mom should get a bit of equal time, especially since I've been spending a significant about of time with her these days. This dementia stuff is quite interesting to observe, and while it can be heart breaking to do this, it is also full of humor.  Mom and my son sit on the couch, and Mom says to him, "I don't know what I'm doing."  this comes right out of the blue while they watch television together.  Fortunately the kid "gets it" and says, "I don't know what I'm doing either, Grammie."  He laughs, she laughs. Mom isn't going outside undressed or anything, but the routine that most of us use when getting ready for the day is lost to her.  I lay her clothes out at night, making sure to put a different color underwear out, and different color socks as well.  If I don't do that, I can't be sure the clean underwear and clean socks get put on. I w...

Where to begin?  So much has happened with the old folks over the past days!  Went up to see Dad in hospital Tuesday after teaching/working all day.  He starts moaning about what hurts, still having trouble, can't seem to get the urinal where it needs to be... Yeah, the urinal issue, well, that was just a bit too much info for me. The RN on duty comes in to check on Dad, post dinner.  She has a paper cup with a pill in it - Lortab.  She tells him to take it, he does after she sits him up in bed.  Now, remember he was complaining about the pain, his legs, and everything else about 5 minutes before she comes in. "How's your pain on a scale from 1 to 9?" He thinks about it.  Says, "Oh, about a 3, I think.  I sat up all day in the chair.  About 8 hours.  I'm feeling pretty good."  If he had pants on they would be ON FIRE like those guys in the Progressive commercial! Then, he says, "You're unusual, you know" to the nurse, who ...

Dad really was not fooling around with the back thing.  He should never have had physical therapy on it: "The Doctor (neurologist) is really mad at the orthopedist for signing me up for physical therapy." Please see my previous entry - Dad WANTED PT... Turns out his disc was ruptured and had to be removed (between #1 and #2).  The medical folks saw this on the MRI he got on Wednesday, called him in to the doc's office on Thursday (conveniently located at Bridgeport Hospital).  Neuro doc said he was staying there, to have surgery on Friday early afternoon. Said surgery was done.  In the meantime, Mom needed to be "covered".  Thursday we managed, with my wonderful Aunt and Uncle stepping in (thank you again!).  My sister picked Mom up, brought her to the hospital.  I met them there after my gig at Housatonic CC was over. Mom came back home with me: "I'm so confused...where are we going...why do I live with you...where's your father...is he g...

Dad is in pain.  He wanted physical therapy for his shoulder, got it.  Then after that was over, he wanted more for his shoulder so they extended it.  Then when that was over, he wanted more therapy.  And he got it extended. His back started bothering him, so he went to an orthopedic person.  That doc suggested therapy.  Dad went to therapy.  He likes therapy. Cheerfully, he went to therapy for his shoulder Mondays and Wednesdays, his back/hips/legs on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  He said it was good.  Shoulder therapy stopped.  Back therapy continued. Then last week, Dad said, "Ahh, Jeez, I can't even walk."  We heard that one night after he and Mom came home.  He was walking.  This happened before, and that's when he went to the orthopedic person.  He said exactly the same thing. So, silly me, I asked, "Did you call the doctor?  Prewitt?" "I'll call him tomorrow." Dad got an appointment, went in, doc sa...

My new nickname is "The Warden".  Dad was talking to one of Mom's doctors last week, and looked at me, saying, "Well, if the Warden allows it.  She tells us what to do, and if we can do stuff or not." Those of you who know me know that is partly true.  I admit it freely.  I am bossy.  Given the alternative, this is a necessity in my life.  I don't always know when to stop being bossy (don't lose your coffee here, friends).  As far as the 'rents are concerned, however, it is a requirement. Dad is a hoarder, and we have to make sure he doesn't stash his crap everywhere because getting it out of where he puts it can be impossible.  We now give deadlines - "you can keep this until Saturday.  If you don't find a place for it, we are throwing it out."  Another reason for the nickname. Last week on Sunday, my sister and I ganged up on Dad - she was on one side, me on the other.  Dad couldn't move away.  He was cornered.  Da...

Have you ever noticed that some people are obsessed with their own funeral arrangements?  Like they will be able to oversee it all, and make sure their wishes are actually followed? I met the 'rents at the vascular doc today, for my Mom's post-op ultrasound of the subclavian arterial stent.  All the stuff that is supposed to flow up is flowing up, the down is flowing down.  Doc used other words, but that's what he meant. While we were sitting in the waiting room, Dad felt the need to ask me if I was going to a wake.  His brother's daughter's husband's mother died (my cousin's mother-in-law).  She was a nice lady the 2 or 3 times I met her, but I didn't feel the need to go to the wake, and truly never even thought about going until he asked me. That, of course, led to a discussion of all of the people he knew that had "the cancer" or other problems.  I kind of pretended not to listen to much, adding a "WHAT?" every once in a whil...

Dad is having some back issues.  I think he kind of wanted surgery - I know, who wants that?  I reminded him, though, that if that happened, he still would have to come home and do stairs.  So he is doing physical therapy for his arm (still...), and now he's going for his back, too. When the 'rents first came back this year, Dad wanted a new chair for his room.  He said the one he had in there wasn't comfortable.  So I had him try the chair I had in our room, and he liked it.  We moved it in to their room in May, and I moved a nice oak rocker from the living room into our room.  Dad didn't want the rocker.  "I don't like rockers." Everything was fine until two or three weeks ago.  He had come back from the back doctor, and I came home to find him on the couch.  Now, the day before he was taking a nap on that same couch.  Keep that in mind. "Aw, Jeez, I can't sit on this couch anymore.  It's killing me." I made the mista...

Do you all remember the first car you remember riding in?  Maybe it was your Dad's or your Mom's car, or a neighbor's vehicle, or grandparent's ride.  Dad bought/leased a new car last week - a Nissan Rogue.  It's a medium size SUV.  Mom already knows it is their new car, and has showed it to me several times: "Judi, come and see our new car - that is our new car, isn't it?" The first car I remember was an old blue Pontiac.  Dad was partial to Pontiacs - it had some sort of fins on it.  We had one car until I was seven - that blue Pontiac.  Then Grampa died, and we got the green Oldsmobile, and kept the Pontiac.  Dad got the new Olds, Mom got the bomb. The Olds was olive drab, with really nice leather seats.  We liked the bomb a lot.  First, Mom was the primary driver, and she was CRAZY.  We loved it when she drove on the Burma Road (Lordship Blvd for those not familiar with road nicknames).  That road through the swamps ha...

We took a ride to Short Beach yesterday afternoon.  I can't do the beach in the direct sunlight these days unless I slather sunscreen all over myself, so I have discovered the beach in the late afternoon.  It's really lovely, usually quiet, and the birds are all over the place.   Yesterday, the tide was either coming in or going out (a subject of much debate - yet no one checked on their smart phones - sometimes it's just fun to argue!).  It was high, and there were waves (unusual at Short Beach).  We felt the spray, and all had salt on glasses.  Really a true beach lover's afternoon. On the way to the beach, we passed the old Avco parking lot.  Now, I know that wasn't the last company to leave the Army Engine Plant, but it is still called Avco by us old time folks.  I guess I have to call myself one of those now. In the parking lot south of the building, there were hundreds of orange traffic cones in some sort of pattern.  The gate...

I just turned around and "caught" my Dad reading Eve Ensler's "The Vagina Monologues"...really!  I've been talking about Eve's letter to the Huffington Post all week - you know the one - that addressed Akin's horrific commentary about rape. Have you read the "Monologues"?  If not, I highly recommend it. I know Dad is having a rough day.  He just bitched out loud about Mom to Mom.  She's been quite off today - messing with stuff - totally ADD/Dementia behavior.  Dad has been stressing all week about being with her too much, but doesn't typically take any offers to cover Mom so he can check out and be off the clock for awhile. So I sit here and try to think of ways to get him to accept those offers, especially now that he may need back surgery.  I have to go back to the good days to get a picture of Dad and Mom back then. Dad worked summers at the stand at Short Beach when Vinny ran it.  Some of you may remember him.  Mom alwa...

So while our guest was here last week, Dad also asked her about her car.  He has been interviewing people about their cars since they came north in May. "Do you like your car?  How does it run?"  He starts with questions like that.  He then begins to talk about his car for awhile. "I have so many miles on my car, and I think I want a new one, but I'm not really going to buy.  Do you like your car?  Does it run alright?" People answer him, thinking he is seriously asking about the car, even though he says he is not really going to buy.  How does someone "not really buy" something?  Is he going to steal it?  Borrow it?  Rent it? They answer him with responses like, "I like it, and it runs good.  Good mileage."  Pretty much the same answer no matter who he asks.  He keeps asking though.  I think he hopes to get a different response from each person he asks.  I really hope he's not stalking people in the parki...

Last night, we had a guest, and we were getting ready to go out.  Our guest wanted to see my Mom and Dad, but they were not yet home.  We assured her they would either get in before we left, or be there when we got back. As luck would have it, Mom popped her head in soon after that conversation, with Dad right behind her.  Now, I did say, "Guest", right?  Mom does her introduction thing and goes and sits on the couch.  Dad, however, says "Hi", then goes right into a litany of his daily issues with walking. Dad walks most days down the end of our block and back, probably a bit less than half a mile.  He walks up and down the stairs many times each day - up to their room, down the basement to his baseball card room (that's what we now call one of our rooms in the basement).  He occasionally complains of a bit of stiffness, but has not said he can't walk. Last night, he grimaced after saying, "Hi", and said, "I can't walk".  He is s...

Great lunch today with the family and others for Carla's birthday.  Mom and Dad came along, and some of Carla's friends and "family" as well.  Long table of 14, which sort of stinks because it's hard to talk with those at the other end.  Anyway, I sat directly across from Mom and Dad and had the pleasure of listening to them most of the afternoon. A quick aside here about the restaurant - great food, a regular stop of ours.  The server, however, left much to be desired.  Many of us at the table had restaurant experience, and appreciate good service. This was not what we got.  She was unprepared for a party of 14, never anticipated any of our needs (like water pitchers at the table, or extra napkins, or refills of anything).  She knew that tip would be included.  Fortunately, the manager popped over, spoke to us (we do know him), and insisted we get some great cupcakes on the house.  This convinced the server she blew it, and the manager w...

Our youngest has moved to New Orleans, which means I have learned how to use Skype.  It's not enough, however, that I use it.  The youngest wants to talk to her dog, and her grandparents as well. The dog is easy.  She whistles and I put the camera near his face so she can see the big "ole" boy.  She talks to him, and he perks up his ears, then runs around a bit looking for her.  It's, of course, funny and a bit sad at the same time.  Every time we talk and Santana is around, this is what happens. The grandparents are a different story altogether.  Let's talk about Grammie (my Mom) first.  She's the one with dementia or Alzheimer's Disease, or whatever the term of the week is. The youngest says, "Put Grammie on."  I tell Mom to come over by me and hand her the camera that's usually perched on my laptop (it's about 3 inches long, 1 inch wide). I say, "Mom, talk into the camera, then look at the laptop screen when Casey's ta...

So, back in the day, Mom and Dad used to host outdoor and indoor parties.  At least 4 Saturday nights in July and August, it would be time to have a picnic.  Then they had a regular crowd for Thanksgiving weekend, and various other times during the winter.  Summer time meant kegs in the garage, a semi-permanent grill set up, and a box of paper goods in the porch.  The winter parties will have to wait for another post. Dad had a friend who worked at Schaefer in NYC so a delivery of a few kegs would occur regularly.  A great tap (the one with the cooler so all you had to do was ice the line) was a fixture in the garage.  One of those grills made out of the old thinner hot water heaters was set up on v-shaped posts, with a piece of specially cut fencing placed on top.  Every year a new piece of fencing was put on, the grill fired up big time, and the fence "cured".  People would bring paper goods every time there was a party, and Mom stashed them i...

Mom's social life is ramping up a bit lately.  She's going to a play today.  Dad says, "Somewhere in Ansonia or something.  What should I put on her?"  She has on belted shorts, a striped pink shirt, and a pretty necklace.  I asked him what the play was, "I don't know."  "Who's going?"  "The girls." That says so much, doesn't it?  So I figure it's hot, she should just put a nice pair of sandals on - she'll be good.  "Well, how do you know?" Dad asks.  "You should call one of the girls and ask her."   "No, I don't want to do that."  "Then this is good." Nuff said, right? After last week's event at Short Beach, a friend and I agreed to get our parents together for dinner, and we invited another friend to come with her mom as well.  I explained it to Mom as follows: "We're going out for pizza with some people you know, and a few you don't. Mr. So and So...

As some of you know, Blues on the Beach was Saturday.  We had lovely weather - if you like rain and wind, soggy clothing including underwear!  Our high school class continues its 2nd year of having a party on the beach during this fun event.  Yes, we had an official reunion in December, but this is so much fun, we're probably going to keep on doing it every year! Mom and Dad - well, really Dad - asked me why I was making brownies on Friday night.  First Dad wanted me to go to Ninety-Nine with them for dinner Friday...hmmmm...empty house with just me, myself and I?  Going to Ninety - Nine with the people I've watched television with the past 5 nights... "No, that's OK, Dad, I had a late lunch.  I have to make brownies anyway for our party." "At the beach?  Blues on the Beach?  You going?" So I explained, I was leaving in the morning, going to help with set up at one of the pavilions for our class reunion. "Oh, it's supposed to rain all d...

It's been a bit nuts here at Chez Rozarie.  Some changes happening with one more chick out of the nest, and a bit of hospitalism going on. Mom had her surgery on Monday morning.  It was a bit more invasive than originally planned, but she is recuperating.  Much  better today than she was yesterday with regard to her mind, although today she is in some pain where the bypass stuff went in (yup - the groin and her thigh).  Covered stents don't just go into cardiac areas - they also go into subclavian arteries (who knew?).  Probably a good thing to keep on eating all those good foods to get your cholesterol in line, people.  You just never can tell where that nasty plaque is going to dam up your artery. So, got home yesterday, pulled into the driveway around 4:30 p.m.  One chick had kindly walked the puppy (who am I kidding?  Puppy????), and was just leaving.  Looked at the phone and Dad had left a message that they were on their way hom...